Almost Uncontrollable Urges's blog
totally uncontrollable urge
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Date: July 30, 2008
Time: 2:45pm
Location: Bathroom at work
What happened: I went to the bathroom to go pee and upon stepping up to the urinal i discovered that there was a large moth/fly/bug looking thing floating in the water. It took up a lot of the room. I had the completely uncontrollable urge to pee on the bug.
Control: none. i totally peed on that MFing bug!
Slam and Spill
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Date of Urge: July 28, 2008
Time of Urge: Approximately 6:15 p.m.
Description of Urge: While driving with my significant other, we stopped for some refreshments. Upon continuing the journey along and while my significant other was taking a large gulp of juice, I desparately wanted to slam on the breaks, therefore having the juice spill all over my significant other’s face and clothes.
Why urge was controlled: No longer feeling safe if I was trying to drink something while sitting shotgun. Also, I didn’t want to have to pay for cleaning supplies and then work hard to get the stains out of the seat.
Thankfully not my real significant other.
On the way home from the ballpark
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Date: Saturday, July 26, 2008
Time: Approximately 10:30 pm
Location: outside a baseball stadium
Description: On Saturday, I was attending a baseball game at my local professional baseball park. As we were walking away from the game (the home team lost) we were going down an incline (decline?). To the right of the sidewalk was a series of concrete pillars with chains connecting each one (bringing to mind the velvet rope). Well, hanging on to the bottom of one of these chains and leaning over was a little girl of approximately 3 years. She was holding onto the chain behind her back and sort of leaning out away from me and into the street (pedestrian area, no traffic). I had the almost uncontrollable urge to just punt her across the street. She was set up for it perfectly.
Control: Contrary to popular opinion, i’m not a complete dick. Also, her father was there and he probably would have (rightfully) kicked my ass.
Kicking a volleyball
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Date of Urge: July 17, 2008
Time of Urge: 8:15ish PM
Location: Bar with volleyball courts
Description of Urge: Each week my friends and I gather to play cornhole (bean bag toss) at a bar that also has sand volleyball courts and a league that plays at the same time as we do. Every so often a volleyball will come careening out into our play field and someone will come running after it. This past week the person chasing was an attractive girl wearing a pair of small shorts and a sports bra. As she came running i got the almost uncontrollable urge to just punt the volleyball as far as I could and stand there laughing.
Why the urge was controlled: Fear of retribution by the rest of the her team, loss of reputation as a “pretty nice guy.”
Extra comment: This is an urge with which I am constantly battling. As mentioned, the volleyball comes into our play field every week. I will update if I ever act.
Shot-Putting a Watermelon
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Date of Urge: 07-20-2008
Time of Urge: 9:30 p.m.
Location of Urge: Grocery Store
Description of Urge: While walking around the grocery store carrying a watermelon on my shoulder, I had the almost uncontrollable urge to spin and toss the watermelon like a shot-put. I visualized the watermelon exploding in the milk section, sending bits of watermelon and 2% flying everywhere. I would have then run out of the store screaming about interdimensional watermelon creatures stealing Earth’s milk.
Why the urge was controlled: Not being able to make it out of the store before being caught, due to the fact that I was laughing too hard to run.
Follow-up to urge: When explaining to friends about the A.U.U., we began discussing what foods would work best for the Field events in Track and Field (Discus, Javelin, Shot Put, and Hammer Toss). Tossed around ideas include.
- Discus = Frozen Pizza,
- Shot-Put = Cantaloupe/Grapefruit/Melon Squash
- Hammer-Toss: Pumpkin/Gourd
- Javelin = Swordfish, Corn-stalk, Nerds Rope, Giant Freeze-Pop, Giant Pixie Stix, Yard long Slim Jim, Hot Dog on a Stick
What would make for good food substitutes for The World’s Strongest Man Competitions?
Tags: "almost uncontrollable urge", AUU, grocery, shot-put, store, urge, watermelon
