Almost Uncontrollable Urges's blog

Shake it Like a Polaroid Picture Part Deux | August 27, 2008

Frank Deford = the worst sports commentator of all time.

Frank Deford = the worst sports commentator of all time.

Date of Urge:  Every Wednesday morning

Time of Urge:  Wednesdays during NPR’s “Morning Edition”

Description of Urge:  To scream and yell at Frank Deford during his commentary and then fire him from all of his jobs while shaking him violently.  Mr. Deford is the king of reporting on news stories that happened 10 years ago, and pretending he had an original idea.  Earlier this year he did a story on how it was unfair for college athletes to not get paid, and acted as if he was the first person to ever have this idea and that it would solve all sorts of problems and that it had never been debated before in the history of college sports.  He has called Tim Duncan (who has two league MVPS, 2 NBA Final MVPS, 10 All NBA First Team nods, and 11 First Team Defense nods, and is considered by many to be the greatest power forward of all time) “the most underrated player in the NBA.”  Frank has stated that the NFL is the best federation in all of sports, arguing that one of the reasons is that the NFL is not run by volunteers and that the world over knows it as American Football and that no other sport is known by it’s country (“There is no Indonesian Badminton”), neglecting the fact that it is American Football because the sport of football throughout the world is what we call soccer which existed for eons prior to the NFL and that there is also Australian rules football.  Earlier this year he did a story on how it was unfair for college athletes to not get paid, and acted as if he was the first person to ever have this idea and that it would solve all sorts of problems and that it had never been debated before in the history of college sports.  The list goes on and on and on and on and on and on.  Just listen sometime and you’ll want to drive your car to wherever it is that Frank Deford lives and crash it into his living room, jump out of your car, and then scream at him that he is fired from whatever job it is that he is working on at the current moment.

Why urge was controlled:  Not having the power to actually fire Frank Deford from anything.  Nor wanting to waste the gas, nor my vocal chords from yelling, driving to wherever it is that Deford lives.

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What do we consider an almost uncontrollable urge? Well, first we need to establish a definition. Almost: al*most, [awl-mohst], -adverb, meaning: very nearly. Uncontrollable: un*con*trol*la*ble, [un-kuh n-troh-luh-buhl], -adjective, meaning: incapable of being controlled or restrained. Urge: [urj], -noun, meaning: an involuntary, natural, or instinctive impulse. Therefore, an almost uncontrollable urge is an involuntary, natural or instinctive impulse that is very nearly incapable of being controlled or restrained. These A.U.U.'s occur mostly in public settings, as there is very little to constrain a person in a private setting. The urge is frequently overcome due to any number of things, such as: societal standards, fear of retribution, fear of prosecution, fear of being left alone after having embarrased a significant other for the last time, etc. This is simply a list of several of the AUU's that we have had.

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