Almost Uncontrollable Urges's blog

Boxes Schmoxes

October 17, 2008
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A tamed down version of the chaos I would have created.  Photo courtesy of ribot.'s Flickr page, although I didn't ask permission.

A tamed down version of the chaos I would have created. Photo courtesy of ribot.

Date of Urge: 10-13-2008

Time of Urge: Approximately 4:30 p.m.

Location of Urge: Local Meijer store

Description of Urge: While grocery shopping with my significant other, I was walking down an aisle.  While approaching the end-cap (the end of the aisle if you don’t know) and employee walked past and blocked me due to pulling a large flatbed cart stacked approximately 6 feet high with boxes.  I had the almost uncontrollable urge to run and dive through the boxes knocking everything to the ground.

Why urge was controlled: Concern that the boxes may have something large and heavy in them and that I would get hurt on either the initial push-thru, or when the boxes came tumbling down on me.  Also, concern that the materials could break and I would have to pay for them.  Also, I don’t want a divorce.

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Shot-Putting a Watermelon

July 22, 2008
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Date of Urge:  07-20-2008

Time of Urge:  9:30 p.m.

Location of Urge:  Grocery Store

Description of Urge:  While walking around the grocery store carrying a watermelon on my shoulder, I had the almost uncontrollable urge to spin and toss the watermelon like a shot-put.  I visualized the watermelon exploding in the milk section, sending bits of watermelon and 2% flying everywhere.  I would have then run out of the store screaming about interdimensional watermelon creatures stealing Earth’s milk.

Why the urge was controlled:  Not being able to make it out of the store before being caught, due to the fact that I was laughing too hard to run.

Follow-up to urge:  When explaining to friends about the A.U.U., we began discussing what foods would work best for the Field events in Track and Field (Discus, Javelin, Shot Put, and Hammer Toss).  Tossed around ideas include.

  1. Discus = Frozen Pizza,
  2. Shot-Put = Cantaloupe/Grapefruit/Melon Squash
  3. Hammer-Toss: Pumpkin/Gourd
  4. Javelin = Swordfish, Corn-stalk, Nerds Rope, Giant Freeze-Pop, Giant Pixie Stix, Yard long Slim Jim, Hot Dog on a Stick

What would make for good food substitutes for The World’s Strongest Man Competitions?

 


About author

What do we consider an almost uncontrollable urge? Well, first we need to establish a definition. Almost: al*most, [awl-mohst], -adverb, meaning: very nearly. Uncontrollable: un*con*trol*la*ble, [un-kuh n-troh-luh-buhl], -adjective, meaning: incapable of being controlled or restrained. Urge: [urj], -noun, meaning: an involuntary, natural, or instinctive impulse. Therefore, an almost uncontrollable urge is an involuntary, natural or instinctive impulse that is very nearly incapable of being controlled or restrained. These A.U.U.'s occur mostly in public settings, as there is very little to constrain a person in a private setting. The urge is frequently overcome due to any number of things, such as: societal standards, fear of retribution, fear of prosecution, fear of being left alone after having embarrased a significant other for the last time, etc. This is simply a list of several of the AUU's that we have had.

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